The Night I Tried to Forget Him and Ended Up Losing Myself

I Just Want You For My Own

Kyle wasn’t my type. He had a baby face and was dressed for the country club, not the city. But I needed a distraction. It didn’t even need to be a good distraction. Just something else to think about. And maybe - for a brief moment - something to feel good about.

I was sitting next to him in a car, watching the city splash light against his black pea coat. His arm was around me as he unironically sang along with the Christmas carols playing on the radio. 

It was the first time I had been out after five long months of recovering from Lyme disease. I wasn’t better, but I was bored, and that was a good sign. I decided to embrace it.

It was December. Five months had gone by since I had seen Matthew, the man I believed was the love of my life. A month had gone by since I sent him an email trying to gracefully close out our chapter - it had become far too painful to linger in the longing. He said he didn’t know that I felt the way I felt, and that he wanted to process it and respond thoughtfu…